Dealing with a liar, a person who lies, is never easy. One does not know when the person is telling the truth and when the person is telling a lie. This also makes it impossible to trust the person.
The problem is that sometimes you have no choice. For reasons you yourself are not in control of, a confrontation is inevitable.
A lie can feel a bit like being emotionally cheated. It creates a very unpleasant situation as the one who has been lied to feels cheated and manipulated. Furthermore, it creates a very poor foundation for maintaining a relationship.
Some lie to pretend. Others are ashamed or dare not show who they really are. In addition, there are those who lie to take advantage of the lie.
There can be many reasons to lie, but no lie can be excused. Confronting a person who is lying is difficult, but there are ways to deal with it. A couple of such ways are the following.
Proof is a way of dealing with a liar
When you first expose a liar, there are many possibilities. One of them is to distance oneself from this person. This is temporarily not an option in all cases. If it’s a colleague, a partner or your boss, you do not have many choices.
Then it is better that you decide to confront the liar.
The best way to deal with a person who is lying is to confront that person. It is therefore important to gather enough evidence. It may seem a bit exaggerated but you may want to take note of the lies the person is telling you, and check that these lies do not correspond to reality and have them clear and at hand. Once you have gathered enough evidence, it is time to take the next step.
Present your revelations
Going forward to confront a liar requires tact. It is a bad idea to present your revelations in an abrupt way. This can instead work against its purpose.
- In such cases, it is best to proceed in a careful and understanding manner. Everyone deserves another chance.
- Inviting the person to a private conversation is most appropriate. With a restrained tone, you can gently show the person what you have discovered. Make the person aware that there are inconsistencies in what the person is saying and what the reality is.
- Make it clear that you are not here to judge but to understand. The goal of the conversation is not to be attacked but instead to start a mature dialogue.
Understanding the cause of the lies
It can be a good thing to try to provoke explanations for why the person has lied. You never know. Admittedly, there are those who are notorious liars while many on the other hand can be very bothered.
For example, it could be a person who underestimates and does not accept himself. There may also be someone who likes to deceive others. Whatever the reason, it is important to give the person a chance to explain themselves.
Those with a good character will take advantage of this opportunity to apologize for lying. On the other hand, a person who deliberately goes out to hurt someone will deny everything. He will continue with his lies.
Agree on a pact
It is important to make it absolutely clear that lies weaken trust. You should say this directly to the person who is lying. It is also important to mention the consequences of lying.
Also tell how it feels to be lied to. This is how you show that trust cannot be rebuilt so easily.
Eventually, you should propose an honesty pact for the time ahead. One may not expect this pact to be fully complied with. A liar does not change overnight.
What is important to establish, however, is that there is an intention to try to abide by the pact. It is important to give it some time.
Understand that you can not change another person
Confronting a person who is lying is a big step forward. The liar will realize that others are noticing it, and he or she will understand that even if you get away with a lie or two, you will eventually be exposed.
This will cause the person to start reflecting on this and at best try to change for the better.
The outcome is also positive for those who confront. It is an act that shows sincerity with the goal of arriving at the best for both parties. You show that you are not fooled so easily either.
A liar will usually be far more careful and honest with a person who has confronted him.
It is temporarily important to be aware that no one can change another person. In very many cases, a confrontation or good advice does not lead to the person changing. It is up to everyone to decide how to act.
In fact, there are pathological liars who only manage to stop lying with professional help. Ultimately, you are only responsible for your own actions, not those of others.