This Is What You Can Expect After A Divorce

After a divorce, everyone looks forward to a day when they can open their eyes and not feel the pain. As with everything, it takes time to process and recover from it.
This is what you can expect after a divorce

No one who marries thinks it will not last. After a divorce, it is therefore difficult to accept that you have “failed”.

Whether you were the one who wanted it or not does not matter. A divorce means the end of a dream and therefore hurts.

Know that it is not easy to move on and that it will take time to heal.

How easy it is to break off a relationship depends largely on how deep the bond is between the parties. Other factors also come into play: the time you were together, the quality of the relationship, the feeling of commitment you have to each other, common obligations such as children, pets, property and the like.

Your age, where you are in life and your social relationships will affect how quickly you recover after divorce. The more ties you tie, the harder it is to untie the knot they form. The same goes for all kinds of conditions.

As you can see, there is no magic solution to how to recover from a divorce. We will still give you some tips that we hope will help you.

How to overcome a divorce?

What does research say?

A broken relationship
The processing time one needs after a divorce depends on the couple. It can be long lasting, or short, cheap or expensive.

Although it is difficult to measure emotions, there are researchers who try to understand the divorce process and the time we need to overcome it.

Some studies at Binghampton University in New York  indicate that most people spend between 6 months and 2 years after the separation to overcome the divorce. According to this research, it is the women who feel the strongest, but who recover the fastest. Men generally find it more difficult to recover from a divorce.

One study says that there are six phases one must go through after a divorce:

  1. It is a mixture of depression and anger towards the other and moments of anxiety associated with the separation.
  2. Feelings of being dizzy, confused and disoriented. This is due to many changes and a lot of uncertainty.
  3. Grieving over what could have been gives feelings of pain and sadness.
  4. Reflection. You look for explanations as to why it did not work.
  5. Assimilation. In this phase, you have begun to accept the divorce and have begun to break the bonds that bind you to the past.
  6. Output. This is when you finally start to recover from your divorce and start getting ready to meet new people. You face the future without hurt feelings and ties to the past.

Tips for recovering from a divorce

A couple looking at each other
Proper emotional treatment during the grieving process can help with your self-esteem, acceptance, maturation and making good choices.

What should you do?

When you divorce, you lose a valuable support system and relationship. No matter how self-sufficient you feel, a divorce will feel like you are losing a part of yourself.

To help you recover from a divorce, there are several steps you can take:

  • Share with someone you trust about how you are doing.
  • Seek help from someone who understands you. Do not suppress your feelings, do not hide them. If you talk about how you actually feel, you will be able to find the answers that will help you faster.
  • Find a positive story to tell. If you always talk about the breakup and all that you have lost, the grieving process will take longer. If, on the other hand, you look for a positive approach to what has happened, you will heal faster. Learn from your past relationships and your separation. These are things you can take with you to later relationships.
  • Find yourself. Do not focus on the part of you that you feel you lost when you were separated. Redefine yourself. Find out who you are regardless of relationship.
  • Find the parts of yourself that you let go of in the relationship. Look at yourself as a whole person. You are not half a person when you are alone.
  • Find your own path. Try things that pique your interest. Set goals and plan how to reach them. Once you have entered your new path, get to know yourself and the new people you meet.

You must not do this after a divorce

A woman who looks sad after a divorce
Do not isolate yourself. Talk about your feelings about the breakup. In this way, it will be easier to accept what has happened.

Therapist Susan Pease recommends some situations and actions you should avoid:

  • Do not isolate yourself and keep your feelings to yourself. Seek help and try to share how you feel.
  • Do not expect others to tell you what to do. Talk to others, but remember that it is up to you to find the right solution.
  • Do not expect to get well right away. You have to work to recover from a divorce.
  • Do not pretend to be well when you are not well. Do not have a bad conscience for feeling bad. It is common to feel anger and sadness. Accept that this is part of the healing process.
  • Finally, do not be a perfectionist and believe that you did nothing wrong. A relationship consists of two parties where both make mistakes. Accept yours, but avoid spending too much time on a guilty conscience. Look at it as a learning process.

Some experts believe that people who spend more than two years recovering from a divorce make one or more of these mistakes.

Therefore, keep these in mind and take the time you need to mourn.

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